After a LONG 6 month separation (complete with daily questioning of where’s Ben), the kids are back together!!
Music Production? Music production is spending 10 hours to make 3 minutes.
Dog Parks? Dog parks are chaos fenced in.
Conscious Uncoupling Ceremonies? Conscious uncoupling is divorce with mood lighting.
Roadside Attractions? Roadside attractions are just billboards with gift shops.
Family Travel? Family travel is parenting with passports.
Clapping When Planes Land? Clapping on planes doesn’t make you a hero—it makes you loud.
My inner child signed me up for snacks.
Awkward Zoom Calls? Awkward Zoom calls are just awkward meetings with worse angles.
Wilderness Therapy? Wilderness therapy is camping with invoices.
Grill Masters? Grill masters treat hot dogs like Michelin stars.
Extreme Weather? My town floods during drizzle but brags about “infrastructure.”
Scream-Laughing in Libraries? If you scream-laugh in a library, you’re illiterate with confidence.
Real Estate Investing? Real estate investing is Monopoly for stressed adults.
Extreme Weather? Extreme weather is just nature’s reality show.
Enneagram Obsession? My friend explained my personality using numbers—like I’m a Sudoku puzzle.
My love language is leftovers labeled “Do Not Eat.”
Body Positivity? Body positivity is confidence in sweatpants.
I don’t nap; I power-plot.
Mindfulness Gurus? Mindfulness classes cost $300 to teach “breathe.”
Health Gurus? Health gurus sell kale smoothies and guilt.
Gatekeeping Fun? If you gatekeep fun, you’re the HOA of emotions.
Awkward Gym Selfies? Taking a gym selfie mid-squat should come with medical insurance.
Post-Pandemic Awkwardness? Post-pandemic hugs feel like awkward hostage negotiations.
DIY Fails? My home improvement project improved nothing except the divorce rate in my neighborhood.
Vegan Cheese Catastrophes? Vegan cheese tastes like betrayal in block form.
I don’t quit; I strategically intermission.
My inner child runs HR; my inner teen does PR.
Survival Bros? Survival bros buy $900 knives to whittle sticks.
My calendar calls me bold; my sofa calls me home.
Spelling Bees? I lost the spelling bee when I asked if “beer” had one or two e’s.
Record Stores? Record stores are nostalgia shops with scratches.
Budgeting Lies? My budget lasted one Target trip.
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Music Production? Music production is spending 10 hours to make 3 minutes.
Dog Parks? Dog parks are chaos fenced in.
Conscious Uncoupling Ceremonies? Conscious uncoupling is divorce with mood lighting.
Roadside Attractions? Roadside attractions are just billboards with gift shops.
Family Travel? Family travel is parenting with passports.
Clapping When Planes Land? Clapping on planes doesn’t make you a hero—it makes you loud.
My inner child signed me up for snacks.
Awkward Zoom Calls? Awkward Zoom calls are just awkward meetings with worse angles.
Wilderness Therapy? Wilderness therapy is camping with invoices.
Grill Masters? Grill masters treat hot dogs like Michelin stars.
Extreme Weather? My town floods during drizzle but brags about “infrastructure.”
Scream-Laughing in Libraries? If you scream-laugh in a library, you’re illiterate with confidence.
Real Estate Investing? Real estate investing is Monopoly for stressed adults.
Extreme Weather? Extreme weather is just nature’s reality show.
Enneagram Obsession? My friend explained my personality using numbers—like I’m a Sudoku puzzle.
My love language is leftovers labeled “Do Not Eat.”
Body Positivity? Body positivity is confidence in sweatpants.
I don’t nap; I power-plot.
Mindfulness Gurus? Mindfulness classes cost $300 to teach “breathe.”
Health Gurus? Health gurus sell kale smoothies and guilt.
Gatekeeping Fun? If you gatekeep fun, you’re the HOA of emotions.
Awkward Gym Selfies? Taking a gym selfie mid-squat should come with medical insurance.
Post-Pandemic Awkwardness? Post-pandemic hugs feel like awkward hostage negotiations.
DIY Fails? My home improvement project improved nothing except the divorce rate in my neighborhood.
Vegan Cheese Catastrophes? Vegan cheese tastes like betrayal in block form.
I don’t quit; I strategically intermission.
My inner child runs HR; my inner teen does PR.
Survival Bros? Survival bros buy $900 knives to whittle sticks.
My calendar calls me bold; my sofa calls me home.
Spelling Bees? I lost the spelling bee when I asked if “beer” had one or two e’s.
Record Stores? Record stores are nostalgia shops with scratches.
Budgeting Lies? My budget lasted one Target trip.